Why I Chose to Become a Single Mom by Choice

I recently felt the need to share more about becoming a single mom by choice because of something that happened online. A well-known public figure posted a video that included content of me and my daughter without my permission, and it sparked a lot of negative comments about single mothers by choice (SMBCs). While I was focused on having the video removed, I realized this was an opportunity to take control of my own story—to talk about why I made this choice and how it comes from a place of love, not hate, as this person assumed.

If you’ve been following me, you know I’m passionate about empowering women through my story. My decision to become a single mom by choice wasn’t based on anger, rejection, or defiance of societal norms. It came from a deep, personal calling. I truly believe that this desire was placed in my heart by God, and I’ve felt His guidance and blessings every step of the way.

Choosing to be a Mom and Not a Wife Does Not Mean I Hate Men

My journey was and is based on love, which is why I was surprised (or disappointed) that this public figure suggested that SMBCs hate men. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Women make this choice for so many reasons, and rejecting men is not necessarily one of them. But if you want me to stir the pot a little—even though I personally don’t hate men—I have not found the value in having a relationship with one. Don’t get me wrong. I have wonderful men in my life—family members, friends—who are amazing husbands and fathers. but for me, I have found it easier and more peaceful to do this on my own. Peace is my priority, and it’s that peace I want to offer to my daughter.

Some men even offered to co-parent, but the idea of sharing every parenting decision with someone I didn’t feel 100% connected to didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t want to settle or force myself into a situation that didn’t feel right just to fit a timeline or expectation. The idea of co-parenting might work for some, but for me, it felt like a disruption to the peace and independence I value so much – even if some see it as a selfish choice.

Why I Did Not Need a Relationship to Fulfill My Dreams

I’ve spent most of my life single, not because I couldn’t find love, but because I never felt like I needed to be in a relationship. In fact, it takes a real effort for me to even visualize myself in a wedding dress! I think that’s because I’ve always been fiercely independent, and relationships weren’t the main focus of my life.

Society often pushes this idea that you need a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled, but that is not true for everyone. For me, the desire to be a mom was much stronger than any traditional notion of being someone’s wife. And that choice isn’t about rejecting men or marriage.

Challenging the “Selfish” Narrative Around Single Motherhood

People sometimes label this choice as selfish or ask, "Did your child have a choice in being born?" But let’s be real—no child asks to be born. That’s the case for all children. Every single child brought into this world arrived because someone made that choice for them. What truly matters is the love, support, and dedication you give them once they’re here. It’s frustrating to see how quickly society criticizes single moms by choice, especially when a lot of men who choose to leave their families aren’t judged as harshly.  Even as society questions single moms by choice, I am and have always been confident in my decision. The truth is, that providing a stable, nurturing, and loving home is what shapes a child’s future—not the number of parents in the household. Research supports this: according to a Harvard study, the single most common factor for children who develop resilience is at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult. Resilience isn’t tied to the size of the family but to the strength of the bonds within it.

Stepping into Motherhood on My Terms

From day one, I had no fear, no regrets—I knew this was my path. I’m sharing my story because there’s still a lot of misunderstanding about becoming a single mother by choice. People often assume it’s a rejection of men or a selfish choice when in reality, it’s about pursuing a dream. For me, that dream has always been motherhood. But as I moved through life, it became obvious that the timeline society gives us—find a man, get married, have kids—doesn’t work for everyone. Life doesn’t always follow a set plan. Sometimes it twists and turns in ways you didn’t anticipate, and the idea of that “perfect” timeline just felt out of sync with how my own journey was unfolding. I wasn’t actively trying to go against the grain, but the traditional timeline didn’t feel like my path. So I took matters into my own hands.

Freezing My Eggs: Giving Myself the Gift of Fertility

By November 2019, I found myself on a plane, heading to another country to freeze my eggs. At the time, I wasn’t yet on my single motherhood by choice (SMBC) journey, but this decision was the turning point that ultimately led me there.

I knew it was the right choice for me because it allowed me to focus on what truly mattered: becoming a mom. I wasn’t going to let societal expectations or my biological clock stop me. Every experience I had in my life led me to that moment. I was comfortable being with myself, and I always had been. I knew deep down that I didn’t have to follow anyone else’s timeline, and that realization was incredibly freeing.

Freezing my eggs was the greatest act of self-care—a statement I’ve often heard from fertility experts—and such an empowering experience.

Then the pandemic hit, and with everything slowing down, I had time to reflect on my journey. Freezing my eggs gave me the confidence to take my fertility journey a step further. And during lockdown, a decisive moment happened.

The Moment I Knew It was Time

One day, I was lying on my sofa, having gone through most of Netflix during those long days of being stuck indoors. I was dozing off, kind of half-asleep, half-awake—it wasn’t exactly an out-of-body experience, but it was close. I remember feeling this presence, like I was aware of my surroundings but still in that dreamy space.

Suddenly, I heard it—the soft slapping of tiny hands and knees against the hardwood floor. It was so vivid. My hands were hanging off the sofa, and I felt a gentle tug. I got wide awake, and in that split second, a flood of thoughts and emotions hit me. I thought, "Where’s my baby? Did I have a baby? When did I give birth?" It felt so real, like I could reach out and hold her, but I knew she wasn’t there yet. It was like she was calling me, telling me she was ready for me to bring her into the world.

That was the moment I knew. That day changed everything for me. It wasn’t just a vision or a dream—it was a sign. My daughter was letting me know it was time, and I took that as the push I needed to take the first step toward becoming a single mom by choice.

Finding Strength in the SMBC Community

I joined a community of single moms by choice, and their stories made me feel empowered. By hearing their journeys, these women reinforced what I already knew: this path was possible, and it was my path. Even though I was confident in my decision, it was reassuring to see other women take this journey as well. It was comforting to know that there were others who had done it—that it was possible and that it didn’t have to be a lonely road. There’s immense value in seeing that it’s doable, and knowing that I could walk this path confidently, without waiting on someone else.

I have no regrets about my decision to become an SMBC. Every hiccup, every challenge—whether medical, emotional, or logistical—has been worth it. There’s always a way to plan, to prepare, and to overcome challenges when you’re determined and have the right support. Motherhood is full of surprises, but nothing has ever felt out of reach for me.

If you're considering taking this path, know that it’s absolutely worth it. I’m here to help, so let’s talk! I offer 1-1 ‘Ask Me Anything’ sessions where we can discuss your goals, worries, and everything in between. From there, we can build a financial plan or even work together over six weeks to guide you through the most critical decisions. Whether it’s planning for what is ahead or figuring out how to navigate the process, you don’t have to do it alone.

This is your story to write, and I’m here to support you through it all.