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Being a single mom by choice, I've run into the idea that choosing to be single means I can't ask for help. That's crazy! It would be impossible for anyone to go through this journey alone. But some people believe this path somehow disqualifies us from seeking or accepting help.
Too Independent?
What I've noticed is that a lot of single moms by choice have one thing in common - we're super independent. And that's probably what made us decide to do this whole thing on our own in the first place. Being independent is practically second nature to us. Whether it's due to past trauma or simply being accustomed to doing things on our own, help often feels like a foreign concept. The truth is, independence can sometimes transform into hyper-independence, which isn't healthy. I've had moments where I refused help, even when it was clear I needed it. This kind of hyper-independence can become almost toxic; it prevents us from accepting the very support we need, and that our children deserve.
It Takes a Village to Raise a Child
The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" holds much truth. Just because we've chosen to be single mothers, doesn't mean we should go on this journey alone. One of the biggest challenges I faced was overcoming hyper-independence. Accepting that it was okay to ask for help, and even more, that my daughter would benefit from it, was a major turning point.
And here's a surprising discovery—people are more willing to help than you might think. This journey has shown me that help can come from the most unexpected places. The friends I've made since becoming a single mom by choice have truly stepped up. So to anyone dealing with the idea that asking for help makes you less independent or less capable as a mom, let that go. Asking for help is a strength. It doesn't diminish your journey or your worth. We all need support, whether raising a child alone or with a partner. It's essential for your well-being and your child's upbringing.
If you ever encounter people who make you feel unworthy of help because of your choice, remember that you don’t need that negativity. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and understand you. And even open up conversations if needed. Sometimes, people don’t realize how their words affect us.
My journey to motherhood has been deeply shaped by learning to be vulnerable and accepting help. Allowing myself to be open and admitting when I needed support was transformative. It made the whole experience more enriching, not just for me but for my daughter as well.
Recognize and be open to the possibility that your support may come from places you least expect. Be open to building new friendships and accepting help from new allies. These people can become an essential part of your journey, almost like family.
So throw away the notion that because you’re a single mom, you can't receive help. You deserve it, just as anyone else does. If we were meant to be isolated, there would be one person per planet. But we're here together, and there's strength in community.
For all the single mothers out there, remember: you are worthy of love, support, and all good things in life. It’s okay to lean on others—after all, it really does take a village.
If you need to talk about your journey with me, don’t hesitate to book an Ask Me Anything session.
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